Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you would pick up someone in the library
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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