I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
