I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
