terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They have beer where we have blood.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize