Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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