he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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