I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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