Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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