New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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