i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He did a backflip because drugs
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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