I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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