You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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