I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
