I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
