Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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