Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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