he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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