He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
