Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
