I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
