I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
