Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
