My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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