I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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