I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
