I need help removing her.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
