I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
