duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
True college students do jello shots in the library
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