Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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