i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
