Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do herpes really smell.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
