if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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