Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
