dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
