honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
