I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
