Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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