i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize