oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
