Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
