My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
