I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
