I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
