Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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