you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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