He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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