someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
