when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize