My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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