forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
