There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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