just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
