8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
