the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
