So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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