I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
