those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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