Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
