I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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