i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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