at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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