ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
