Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
