also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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