I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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