What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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