what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
