she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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