SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
