i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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