every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't think brook has ever known best
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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