Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
