So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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