I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
